Sample Prologue

This is a sample of a piece I am working on for fun. Just testing out first person POV, and ways to get an emotional hook in. Let me know what you think in the comment section below! It may contain some spelling or grammar errors... so, cut me some slack. It's a work in progress ;] 

Prologue

I watched the door of the small café. Neon signs flashed from outside, casting the surrounding areas in a glow of reds, pinks, greens, and blues. It was like an endless rave taking up the entire city block, the only thing missing was the thumping pulse of music. This café was a favorite spot for local officials, so close to the governance center that it was a convenient walking distance away to be a reasonable lunch break destination. C’mon, I thought, looking up at the digital clock that ran the length of the buildings walls. It paced to the left, followed by a flow of advertisements for seasonal specials. It was spice drinks this time of year, in case you were curious perfect to take the edge of the weathers chill. A tagline read.

     I was nervous, I had never done this before. I wiggled my foot up and down, my knee pumping like a small piston. Would the plan work? Would the target survive? I watched the passing crowds and wondered just how many would die today. Hopefully I wasn’t going to be among them. Was it worth the cost?

     

     My heel knocked back into the backpack I had set under my chair. A leather satchel zipped shut. I winced and moved my feet away —just to be safe. Where are you? The time on the clock switched, it was now noon. A few more minutes until the unthinkable would happen, until the war would start, until the snake would be without its head. My observations had shown that Ansgar Ghering would usually show up around 12:05, sometimes 12:06. There were two doors on separate ends of the coffee shop, as it was set in the corner of a busy junction, but he always came through the right door. Was that him?

     I craned my neck around an older couple who were sat at a table in front of a window. The crowds outside were parting as a retinue made its way down the sidewalk. It is. I felt the flurry of butterflies within my stomach stir. It seemed as if they had just given birth to hundreds more companions in the span of a second, I couldn’t contain the excitement, and the sadness, storming inside. I stood up and stretched. Time to leave.

     “Mommy, over here!” A little girl pulled her mom through the door. She was pointing frantically at the shelves which were filled with thermal mugs decorated with seasonal characters. Her smile was ear to ear, between locks of golden hair. Her baby teeth so small and fragile. She jabbed her finger a few more times and a flustered older woman, maybe only a few years older than myself, dragged herself behind the energetic little girl.

     “Yes dear.” She sighed and met my eyes, a lopsided grin taking up her face. “Kids huh?”

     No, no, no. I thought. Is it worth it? Warn her. I started to speak but stopped myself. Don’t say a thing, you can’t say a thing. A second voice within my head affirmed. Just leave. She paused and waited for me to continue.

     “What was that?” She asked.

     “I,” I looked at her with sad eyes, hopefully it wouldn’t be painful, and hopefully this child wasn’t destined for anything great. It wouldn’t matter now, I guess. “I’m sorry.” I said. I felt tears starting to well up in my eyes, and brushed my way past her at a steady pace.

     “What?” She called after me. I ignored her. The dead don’t speak. Thus was the cost of freedom.

I left through the other door just as Ansgar Ghering entered with his security detail, all pomp and circumstance. All reason to die.

     As soon as I was a block away I pulled a small device from my pocket and squeezed. The relative peace of the afternoon was shattered as a thunderous explosion echoed throughout the downtown area. A choir of screams and shrieks arose to join the cannonade in a splendid symphony of chaos. Chaos and victory.

     Was it worth it? Yes.

*End Prologue*

Thank you for taking the time to read this sample I decided to share. Have any of you been working on a new challenge? Any advice for the prologue above? Did it do an OK job with some sort of hook? I want to hear from you!

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-Matt